#Changes: Back to School

I'm taking the first step to a huge change in my Life.  I'm gathering up some of my artwork and designs into a proper portfolio to submit to the Thompson Rivers University as part of my application for their Digitial Arts and Design Program. It scares me though.  I'm 40 years old, and I'm not altogether sure I'd be able to keep up with the younger students.  Not only that, but I'm worried about how they (at the age of 20) will perceive me as a 40 year old student.

But I'm mostly afraid of being told that I'm, "not good enough."  Failing.  Though, to be honest, if I don't apply, I'd already have failed, right?  The risk of failure (and success) is better than the certainty of failure.

And I'm tired of living with the regret of not completing my college education when I was younger.  Doing this, I can stand tall and say, "I did it!  I finally did it!"  Maybe then, I can shake some of this feeling that's been hanging over me for years of being a disappointment and a failure in the eyes of the one person who I've always wanted to be proud of me- my Dad.

 

He's never come out and said it, but I've always felt that he was disappointed in me when I stopped going to college... especially since I was the one of us three kids expected to get a degree of some sort.

 

Maybe doing this will finally lift some of that shroud, and put to rest some of the regretful ghosts that hover about me in my mind... and maybe break some of the self-destructive habits that have kept me from being completely me, and happy all these years.

 

I'm scared... but determined.  Get my portfolio ready, apply for a student loan, and apply for the program...

 

And step onto a path that I have been wanting to travel for close to 22 years... 

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