#Life: New Year's Resolutions

I'm already awesome-
but it can't hurt to be MORE awesome, right?

I haven't posted here since 2013, but with 2015 having arrived, I figured it'd be a great time to start again.

So, without further ado, here are my 10 resolutions for 2015:

1. Update "The Corner of Terror" and "#LifeInTheCorner" on a more regular basis;
2. Take time during a day off each month to take some photos around town;
3. Get my office set up so I can efficiently being seeking a new job;
4. Take time to write in my journal each day;
5. Meditate at least once a week;
6. Enjoy Life;
7. Do more artwork and design stuff to post on "The Coffee Cup Studios";
8. Take time to read a bit each day;
9. Take time to write a bit each day;
10. Make lots of Star Trek cookies to fill up my Mr. Spock cookie jar.

Gonna fill him full of cookies- ALL THE COOKIES!

#Changes: Finding a New Corner

2013 is turning into a year of changes in my Life.  Reconnecting with an old friend, prepping to go back to school, and now a change in location.

Come June or July, I should be in a new place... I'll be moving.

Since my second niece is expecting, she'll need a room for the little one when it arrives.  As it turns out, that'll be the room I'm currently renting from my brother.

I'm not really in a situation where I can just move right now financially, since I'm still unemployed.  But I'm not stressed out about it, or worried.  It just means I'm going to have to push harder and work harder to get a job so that come summer, I'll be able to make a smooth transition from this room into a place of my own.

Whatever happens, I'll survive somehow... I always do.

I'd like to get a one bedroom apartment, with the bedroom being converted into the workspace where I can do my writing and design work without the bed calling me to snuggle with the warm blankets on it.  I'll then have space for ALL of my books (I have about 25 banker file boxes of books in storage right now), collectibles, etc.

If I have to get a bachelor suite, I'll survive as well.

The transition MAY put a small hiccup in my plans for college, but I'll just have to work around that as well.  Life is bumpy, and we just need to trust in our shock absorbers to handle them properly.  I'm just going to steer through the potholes ahead the best I can... while still enjoying the scenery around me.

#Changes: Back to School

I'm taking the first step to a huge change in my Life.  I'm gathering up some of my artwork and designs into a proper portfolio to submit to the Thompson Rivers University as part of my application for their Digitial Arts and Design Program. It scares me though.  I'm 40 years old, and I'm not altogether sure I'd be able to keep up with the younger students.  Not only that, but I'm worried about how they (at the age of 20) will perceive me as a 40 year old student.

But I'm mostly afraid of being told that I'm, "not good enough."  Failing.  Though, to be honest, if I don't apply, I'd already have failed, right?  The risk of failure (and success) is better than the certainty of failure.

And I'm tired of living with the regret of not completing my college education when I was younger.  Doing this, I can stand tall and say, "I did it!  I finally did it!"  Maybe then, I can shake some of this feeling that's been hanging over me for years of being a disappointment and a failure in the eyes of the one person who I've always wanted to be proud of me- my Dad.

 

He's never come out and said it, but I've always felt that he was disappointed in me when I stopped going to college... especially since I was the one of us three kids expected to get a degree of some sort.

 

Maybe doing this will finally lift some of that shroud, and put to rest some of the regretful ghosts that hover about me in my mind... and maybe break some of the self-destructive habits that have kept me from being completely me, and happy all these years.

 

I'm scared... but determined.  Get my portfolio ready, apply for a student loan, and apply for the program...

 

And step onto a path that I have been wanting to travel for close to 22 years... 

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#Holidays: Single on Valentine's Day

I'm not really a fan of Valentine's Day.  I don't hate it- I just don't really see the point of it... and that's not because I'm single on Valentine's Day.

Even back in my High School days (twenty plus years ago), I found it more exasperating than anything.  Every year on Valentine's Day, our school would hand out pink paper hearts to all the girls to wear.  If a boy got them to talk, they had to give the boy their heart.

I found it annoying, because I had to repeatedly tell girls that I didn't care about "winning" their hearts, because their not talking was getting in the way of accomplishing stuff in class when I was partnered with them.  Not only that, but listening to the guys talking about how many hearts they won often made me wonder how women were to win respect when such events encouraged men to see Love as a competition- with the man who has the most hearts the winner.  I found it a little distasteful, to be honest.

Though I'm sure my attitude probably frustrated- and possibly bothered the girls due to the fact that I displayed no interest in pursuing them on that day... after all, many of them were bragging about how many guys were trying to get their hearts.  As if that was a gauge to measure their popularity.  That was something else that bothered me about Valentine's Day back then, since (as my best friend can attest) I really didn't give much thought to being popular, and didn't really seek it out.

This annual High School event probably helped to contribute to my dislike of "relationship games" that people play... but that's another discussion.

But that's not the only reason I'm not a huge fan of the day.  I've been dumped on Valentine's Day (via answering machine), wound up having arguments with girlfriends, and even been cheated on during Valentine's Day.

All good reasons, I think- though the main reason is something much more fundamental: I don't need a "special day" to remind me to tell someone I love that I love them, or to do something special for them.  It's something I try to do every day, because I don't love them on just one day- but every day... so, I don't see the point of it.

And to be honest, I can also see why single people don't like the day.  For some reason, Society seems to think being single is a "bad" thing- a lonely thing- and that single people on Valentine's Day should be pitied because they don't have someone to share the day with.  Being single is NOT a bad thing.  I've been single for several years now (at least six years), and have been quite content.

Would I like to have someone in my Life to share today with?  Sure.  Do I need someone in my Life?  No, I don't.  I'm single on Valentine's Day, and happy.

#Friends- Reconnecting

Yesterday, I wrote about the loss of a beloved pet, and the empty feeling that comes with it.  Today, I want to write about something that helps to fill me up with happiness, pleasure, and peace.

Reconnecting with an old friend.

One of the nice things about Facebook is the fact that you can find and reconnect with people you used to know.  Several of the people I went to High School with are on my Friends List.

One in particular makes me smile.  Out of the blue, she suggested that we start writing each other.  Via snail mail.  Yes- snail mail.  When I get the chance, I do enjoy the act of physically putting my thoughts on paper, so I agreed immediately.  That was the first step in discovering the pleasure of redisovering a friendship.

I look forward to each letter she sends, and I'm sure she looks forward to mine in return.

My friend (Loralee), recently called me on the phone, and we talked for about an hour and a half about things that have gone on in our Lives, some of the obstacles we've had to face (internal and external) in order to get to the places where we are.  We had a really good conversation, and I'm looking forward to more of them.

This reconnection is especially satisfying for me, because back in High School, I really didn't have friends (other than Jay and a couple of others).  I was dealing with the death of my mother, and went out of my way to keep people at an emotional distance.  I didn't want people to get close to me because I didn't want to risk losing them down the road.

Now, however, I'm willing to to share my Life with more people, and call them "friends."  And I'm glad that Loralee is one of the ones from High School who WANTS to reconnect and get to know the person that I am now.  She was a wonderful girl in High School- socially, ecologically, and politically aware; funny, and cute.  Now, she's grown into a wonderful woman who is still socially, ecologically, and politically aware; funny; and beautiful.  Despite the ups and downs that she's dealt with over the past several years, she's able to remain positive, and hopeful for the future.  The sort of person I've become, and the sort of person that I want in my Life as a close friend.

In a world where we can lose loved ones at a moment's notice, we can also find friendships that can grow and deepen and enrich our lives.  Life is all about Balance.  Loss is balanced by gain... and as sad as Charlie's passing has made me, I'm also filled with gladness for gaining Loralee as a close friend.